How to Grow Through Life Transitions in Long-Term Marriage

Photo: Andrew Southam

Every long-term relationship will go through change. Some of those changes are welcome like a new home, a new baby, a new creative path. Others are harder to anticipate: a career shift that doesn’t pan out, the slow grief of an empty nest, or a health challenge that alters daily life.

But here’s the truth: It’s not the life transition in a long-term marriage itself that determines the future of your relationship — it’s how you move through it together.

If you want a marriage that lasts, you have to expect and embrace change. Not just tolerate it, but learn how to grow through it as a team. That’s the real secret.

Why Life Transitions Can Strengthen or Strain a Marriage

Whether expected or not, every transition brings a shift in identity — and often in routines, roles, priorities, and dreams. It’s easy to assume that if your partner is the one going through the change, it’s their experience. But in reality, every life transition happens within the relationship system.

• When one of you changes careers, both of your lives change.

• When one of you becomes a parent, so does your partnership.

• When one of you begins perimenopause or faces burnout, the emotional climate between you can shift.

  
  

Some transitions are joyful. Some are painful. Many are a mix of both. The couples who last are not the ones who avoid change — they’re the ones who turn toward each other when it happens.

What Successful Couples Do Differently

As a couples therapist, I often reference research from the Gottman Institute, which has studied relationships for over 40 years. One key finding? It’s not conflict or challenge that breaks couples down — it’s emotional disconnection.

Couples who make it through transitions together tend to:

• Stay emotionally attuned — even when things feel uncertain

• Make space for each other’s growth — even if they’re growing in different directions

• Stay curious instead of reactive — asking open-ended questions like “What’s this been like for you?” or “What are you needing right now?”

• Practice patience and compassion — even when it’s messy or slow

  
  

They see the transition not as a threat to their connection — but as a portal to deeper understanding, new rituals, and a reimagined version of their relationship.

Real Life Brings Real Transitions

Let’s name a few transitions I often see in therapy that can shake — or reshape — a marriage:

• One partner retires while the other keeps working

• Kids leave home, and you’re no longer “co-parents” — you’re back to just the two of you

• A dream career ends or evolves, leaving questions of identity and purpose

• A diagnosis or chronic condition changes the day-to-day rhythm

• A midlife creative pivot brings up fears about money, success, or reinvention

• One partner begins therapy or healing work — and starts to change

  
  

 In each of these moments, there’s an invitation: to communicate differently, support each other with more nuance, and co-create the next chapter of your life together.

Learning to Grow Together, Not Apart

It’s completely normal to feel fear, grief, or confusion during big changes. That doesn’t mean your relationship is failing — it means you’re human.

But here’s what helps:

• Schedule regular check-ins — not just about logistics, but about how you’re doing emotionally

• Make rituals of connection a priority — even simple ones like morning coffee or weekend walks

• Talk about the future — What does this next phase look like for us? What do we want to create?

• Give each other room to grow — and remember, you can be deeply connected without being exactly the same

  
  

Marriage isn’t a straight line. It’s a winding path that requires flexibility, curiosity, and a commitment to adapting — together.

When to Ask for Help

Some transitions are harder than others. You might feel like you’re on different timelines. Or maybe one of you is shutting down while the other is reaching out.

That’s a good time to bring in support. Couples therapy can be a powerful space to reconnect, reflect, and reimagine what this next season of life might hold — for both of you.

Therapy isn’t about fixing something broken. It’s about building tools, clarity, and emotional safety so you can move forward — together.

A Final Thought

 Every long marriage is a story with many chapters. If you’re committed to staying in it for the long haul, you’re going to face turning points — some chosen, some not. But if you can learn to meet those moments hand in hand, with honesty and care, you’ll build something even deeper: a love that evolves with you.

Change is inevitable. Growth is optional. But connection? That’s something you can keep choosing — every step of the way.