Disagreements between partners are rarely about what they appear to be about. A paint color is never just a paint color. A thermostat setting, a way of loading the dishwasher, which route to take on a road trip — these small conflicts carry weight that neither partner can always explain, even to themselves. The other day I was working with a couple who were renovating their home and couldn't agree on paint color. I got the feeling they were wanting a referee. As a Gottman Met

When She Wants More and He(Her) Thinks Everything Is Fine Couples who come to see me in their fifties rarely mention perimenopause. Either they haven't connected the dots, or naming it feels too much like placing blame. What I hear most from women is that they want more — more connection, more help around the house, more recognition that they exist as a person and not just a function. As estrogen wanes, so does the drive to keep taking care of everyone else. Women start askin

You and your husband have just settled in to watch your favorite show when the phone rings. Your mother has mixed up her remotes again and can't figure out how to get back to Murder, She Wrote. It's becoming a near nightly intrusion and your partner is gritting his teeth. You're stuck in between. You know your mother's sight is going but this is starting to really affect your marriage. This is your time to connect at the end of the day and the call takes that from you. Now yo